10. Watching the Live Aid "We Are The World" video. (Philadelphia, PA)
Johanna and Joe have an innate ability to sell just about anything with their enthusiasm. It's totally contagious. I don't think I'd watched this video since MTV had it in an hourly loop back in the day, and I'm an easy target for nostalgia.

But don't they all seem like they're going to save Africa? Don't stop believing.



9. Kate's drunken confessions. She totally loves me.

8. South of The Border: a.k.a a totally bizarre tourist trap. (Carolinas)
South of The Border is a reststop on the North/South Carolina border, which is advertised on hundreds of huge billboards for hours as you approach from either side on Route 95. This is just one of the annoyingly invasive and dimwitted signs begging for your attention,

The stop itself appears as a vast wasteland with scattered attractions: camping, a small amusement park, car washes, and tons of fireworks. It's basically a small town that was developed around a bar which drew in visitors from what was once a dry North Carolina. The gas station store had a wonderful neon sign advertising "Bread & Fireworks," which really sums it all up. Upon further inspection, the store isn't limited to bread and fireworks, it's actually full of random impulse buys. Once we found dominatrix whips we had to bail on account of uncontrollable laughter.

7. Ego strokes.
I toyed with the idea of a tally for the trip, but Kate said she wasn't that good at math. How modest.

6. The frat house night. (College Park, Maryland)
At this point of the drive there were three of us: Kate, Katie, and myself. We picked up Katie in Charleston, SC and were all attempting to make it to NYC, but due to bad weather and increasing delirium, our options were either to get a hotel or stay at Katie's brother's frat house at University of Maryland. Kate and I opted for freeloading and Katie sadly obliged. We pulled up to a massive building that Kate quickly referred to as Bob's Warehouse for it's bare boned necessity driven decorating scheme. Most of the house occupants had all left for the holiday and we were left with an awkward bunch of about seven boys who doted on us and requested we join them at the bar, to which we immediately declined, as we made ourselves at home in their main conference room. Katie began freaking out due to an internal conflict she has with the idea of frat houses and her brother's friends, so we fed her valium and put her to bed. This all seemed quite reasonable, but in hindsight we're kind of like gangsters.

5. McLain's Family Steakhouse. (DeFuniak Springs, FL)
My life has never so closely resembled the makings of a lifetime original movie nor a b-rated horror flick, and I hope it never does again.

4. The Infamous Dracu-grip. (New Orleans, LA)
On my first night in NOLA, we met up with a bunch of friends Uptown at the Balcony Bar. Apparently the place is notorious for bad bar service, so when we closed out our tab Kate left a tip and a comment that read, "Consistently terrible service." What her constructive criticism ignited took everyone by surprise. The crazy Turkish manager basically chased us out of the bar, regardless that we were already leaving, and continued to scream at us on the curb telling us not to come back. So be it, we didn't react much and he grew increasingly infuriated. With no where to put his anger, he proceeded to yell at a young drunk gentleman friend of ours. And then, void of any understandable reason, he grabbed our friend by the neck! Upon release, our new friend remained calm and merely uttered, "I didn't know managers strangled people." His brilliant nonchalance made him an unsuspecting hero for the night, of course.

3. Real Talk.
Real talk really took off in Charleston, SC after we shared it with friends and made a game out of how many times we could throw it into ordinary conversation.

2. New Years. (New Orleans, LA)
I don't know which is funnier, the crazy pagan holiday in itself, or that Kate and I thought the bonfire was a perfect opportunity to perform scenes from Grease!

1. Ah'ont Care.
As in, "You nasty, Twin. Ah'ont care." This was the most appropriate and most overused phrase on the trip. As I've said before, we listened to the Big Pun song pretty frequently and the song really served as a catalyst for the hilarity of the trip and all the cumulative events that followed as a result of our homelessness/shamelessness.